Hello People!
I want to start off by saying that I expect absolutely no one to read this! I'm actually do this for myself mostly. I don't really expect people to see this and that makes me happy :) so this blog is basically to help myself be accountable to myself and have somewhat of a journal that I can express myself in.
I'm a psychology major so i know that journaling your days and emotions is a good effective way of coping and dealing with stress and anxiety. I know it sounds weird but really talking to yourself actually makes you a better person and a healthier person. So this is my journal time
This journal is to keep track of my journey of life! Basically in a year and a half i'm marrying the absolute love of my life so I have many decisions and things heading my direction and i need to be accountable for and to express myself for i can tell this time will be stressful :/
I am marrying the love of my life who also happens to be addicted to the gym. Now i'm glad that if he is going to be addicted to something it is something that actually benefits me and him except that he spends 2 hours a day at the gym! but i've gotten over that because the benefit of him doing that is having an extremely hot guy to look at... what girl can truly complain about that?
Recently taking a look at pics of myself and of him, i've realized that he is a really hot guy dating an average girl. This needs to be fixed. He loves me no matter what i look like but somehow i still feel the awkward glances of people looking at us like we are in a zoo. Having a extremely fit guy marrying a not so fit girl is kinda awkard. He is beautiful and he loves me no matter my weight so i'm not concerned because i'm worried he isn't attracted to me. I'm concerned because I want to be hot! There i said it! i want to be hot! i want people to look at me the way that people look at him. They ooogle and drool over him when i barely get a glance. That's hurtful to me for some odd reason. I recently looked in the mirror and said "wow i don't like what i see" and that was a hard moment for me. Its been so bad this summer that i don't even want to go swimming because i would have to put on a swimsuit. another reason i'm deciding to "get hot" is because on my wedding night, i want to feel sexy! i want to feel beautiful and gorgeous and right now i have a fear of my wedding night and that is not a very awesome feeling because i want to be excited to wear lingerie and please my new husband but thinking about it is scary! Another huge reason and i'm terrified to go wedding dress shopping! i'm absolutely terrified!! what if i fall in love with a dress and it doesn't go up to my size or i can't fit into the trial size or what if i do and it makes me look fat. I want to find the perfect dress and i feel like i can't do that until i'm happy with the way i look. period.
So welcome to my "get hot" journey! I got inspired by a girl on instagram! it was a total fluke that i found her but she makes clean healthy meals and they actually look so freaking delicious!!!! They look like pieces of heaven. I've been playing tennis and it has lead me to want to go work out and play more tennis. so ive decided to do just that. Turn this life around and start heading toward the track that will make me happy with myself! This is going to be an everyday struggle for me which is why i'm blogging. This is to keep myself accountable. IF i don't go to the gym i have to tell the internet and if i eat crap then i have to tell the internet! ahhh thats scary and i believe that mindset will keep me going because i want to report my progress not my regression. Also i don't want anybody (not even my fiance) to know that i'm doing this! I want to prove to myself that i can do this on my own! i want to prove that i have enough strength that i don't have to rely on other people to help me reach my dreams. Dreams don't come by laying around, you have to work for it with everything you got!! My dream is to be hot and i will do anything to get there and I want to prove to myself that i can do this! imagine how happy and awesome i will feel when i reach my goal all by myself with my own strength! I want to do this on my own so i'm not even going to tell anyone (except yall) when i go to the gym! i want to do this for me and for me only. My fiance is my inspiration but the change is in myself and I need to find the will and the strength to reach my goal and my dreams and this blog will be my support system!
it will take me awhile to "eat clean" because i need to by her ebook and then go buy materials and plan out my meals. I am starting to eat healthier* with what i can but i'm going on a cruise on sunday and i know everything will go out the window but when i come back i'm determined to reach my goal! i'm tired of being unhappy and buying size 14 dresses and feeling bad about myself. I'm ready to be a size 6 again and love my body and love myself even more!!
I'm ready for this journey and this adventure!!!! I can't wait!!!! time for operation get hot to commense!
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